Whatever your name is, I miss you.

Wherever you are in the world at this exact moment, whether you exist or not, I would just like to imagine a few things.
I picture you with a laugh that shakes the ground. Hands that are bruised and open. A stubborn willingness to fight for what you believe, even when you are sometimes wrong.  I like to imagine that you go on long walks, and sit and read on benches across cities. You have a 1991 jeep wrangler that you saved up to buy from a friend, and it's your baby. You love bacon cheeseburgers with the special sauce on the side, and you always ask for extra onion rings and absolutely no tomatoes. You play basketball, and also do theater because your masculinity and emotions aren't hindered by one or the other. You call me Bails, and you take me to get shakes at cookout at 2:00 A.M because I need to talk. You read every single thing I write, without complaint, and then tell me it's terrible in all honesty, and that sometimes I need to use my brain more than my heart. You have room for so many different people in your life, and you invest in so many easily. You're an ambivert. Some of your favorite books include 1984, Harry Potter, The Hobbit, Chronicles of Narnia, Great Gatsby, and Fahrenheit 451. You can't stand the idea that you will never be able to speak all languages. You're still upset sometimes that I colored in your journal when I was 5, but you always laugh afterwards because I was drawing a picture for you. You leave sticky notes all over the house in random places with weird sayings or quotes or bible verses or inside jokes and mom gets irritated when she finds them in the laundry. You yell, and every single time it frightens me because it does not suit you. You are one of the kindest people I know, and are selfishly selfless and selflessly selfish, sometimes at the same time. You broke your foot falling off the trampoline when we lived on base and you got a blue cast, and you let me sign it first even though you promised your best friend he could. You love 80's rock and classical music and one-hit-wonders and although you don't sing completely off key there is no way you will ever be on the voice. You used to climb trees because you knew that I couldn't, and that is okay, because sometimes we need a space to ourselves, even though yours was higher. You snuck a stray into the house and dad caught you and made you take it to the shelter. You hate meatloaf. You are a terrible dancer, but secretly have always wanted to be in a flash mob. You treat all sexes with respect, whether it's earned or not, because respect should be given. You want to celebrate all traditions and cultures, but you love Christmas because Mom hides the pickle on the tree and you usually find it faster than me. But you always let me get the bigger part of the wish bone. Sometimes we have movie nights that consist of Netflix duds and you put M&Ms in the popcorn because you know its my favorite, and I let you order sausage on the pizza even though I can't stand it because I know you enjoy it. You always had a jersey number that I couldn't stand but I wore it proudly because you were mine. You helped me sell over 500 boxes of girl scout cookies, and got a few phone numbers that I promised not to tell mom about. Each of us had our own favorite; me the Double-Dutch, you the Tag-a-longs, dad the Samoa's, and mom the Thin-mints. You have a favorite football team but don't actually watch football. You saved the tickets to my shows and gave them to mom to put in my photo album, but told her to tell me that she thought of it. You write letters.
You are quirky, and funny in a way that is never demeaning. You listen better than anyone else.
You can't stand country music and mom doesn't know how we're remotely related. You have blue eyes like me. You have a crooked smile like mom. You never got braces. You don't have a favorite color because you haven't seen them all yet. Sometimes you crash on the couch when you are exhausted and we all let you. You steal my blankets and say they are yours. You make Mac&Cheese better than anyone I know. You almost flunked out of history one year but dad saved you. You like sitting in airports. Your favorite place to visit is Asia, and mine is Europe. If we ever saved up enough money to go on a trip we'd probably rock-paper-scissors it to see who gets to pick where. I made you watch all 8 harry potter movies even though you hated it, but I could tell you secretly loved it. You never forget. You come to me first when you've done something stupid. You never tell mom or dad on me.
You missed it all. And I missed you.

Rainy Day Reminder

Although I love the rain, I can tell it is quite easy to get caught up in the gloom of the clouds to forget how beautiful it actually is when it pours. So I thought I would take some time to try and remind myself of the beautiful rain that has poured down and blessed my life. I enjoy making lists, and have found myself forgetting the joy I have experienced.
Always take the time to remember how truly loved you are my dear friends.
Always take the time to remember the things you love my dear friends.


Things I love:

• Jesus, and how He pursues me after all the things I do wrong.
• My mother, and how she is the strongest person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
• My father, and his utter compassion despite recognizing and going through terrible traumatic experiences.
• Midnight McDonalds dates with whoever will join me.
• The way my sister used to enjoy cuddling for movie nights with me.
• Long days at the pool with my cousins right in the heat of summer before big thunderstorms.
• Whenever my best friend would spend the night and we would turn down the AC to below freezing, find the cuddliest blankets, a pint of Ben&Jerry's each, and discuss our future.
• Chocolate cake.
• Going to the Regal Cinema 16, any time.
• Always excelling in English and Language Arts throughout school.
• Butterflies in my stomach from the first time he held my hand.
• Long thought out handshakes with anyone who would like to have one.
• VW Vans and the fact that you could have one amazing drive-in experience with them.
• Amusement parks and the fact that my best friend lied to me to get me on a corkscrew rollercoaster. I was scared for the ride, but wouldn't trade the experience.
• Walking on the seawall in Typhoon conditions with my best friend just because.
• Meeting Amy Deakins.
• Having Ron Coia as my AP Language Arts teacher.
• Being caught up in the plot of a thrilling YA novel.
• Being a published poet in the DoDDs magazine at the age of 14.
• My first play with my dad, and that I met my first boyfriend in the cast.
• Chalk, and that there are constantly new creations at my fingertips.
• That the first thing we learn about God is that he is a Creator, something I relate to immensely.
• Any Shorebreak that I have ever had the opportunity of being on.
• Shorebreak sophomore year with Jack, Abby, and Emily.
• Tie-dying with Jack.
• Meeting and becoming close with Dave & Andrea Hutchings.
• Having the pleasure of watching their family grow.
• Costume parties.
• Dressing up for parties.
• Playing basketball on a dedicated team.
• Being the Lady Trojans assistant and water girl.
• That my mom is one badass athlete and coach.
• Getting to play with a high school team while in middle school.
• Traveling to competition in Germany with the GCM Trojans in 7th grade.
• Berliners, and there delicious Erdbeere filling.
• The Brotchen cart and getting a Kinderegg every Friday morning.
• Christmas Caroling with friends.
• Ugly Christmas Sweaters with friend.
• Yogerette ice with Erdbeere sauce.
• That soda shops exist. 
• Laughing so hard that I cry with my Aunt Kendra and my Mother.
• Sleepovers with my Grandmother, and the fact she would buy me Master Wangs even when she wasn't supposed to.
• That my 16th Birthday party was a food fight.
• That my 18th Birthday party was an island wide scavenger hunt/amazing race.
• Space camp in Turkey.
• That I know who my Maid of Honor will be.
• That adoption is a thing, and that I am adopted by God.
• The autobahn joyride with my Father.
• Beating a boy at a game I was supposed to be inferior at.
• Jamming in the garage to the Beatles with my grandmother.
• Laying in a bouncy castle at a friends 16th birthday party at night making a new best friend.
• Mixed CD's made by anyone at any point in time specifically for me.
• Hand written letters that anyone at any point in time specifically write to me.
• Whenever somebody tells me that anything Peter Pan related makes them think of me.
• That my first overseas care was a Fun Cargo.
• Okuma bonding trips with Common Ground Leadership.
• The Ocean, and the vast reasons I love it.
• European Pizza.
• That Love exists and I know Him by name, and He knows me.
• The Valentine dances at Atekule.
• Salep, and the fact that a family friend is bringing me back some from Turkey.
• Oki Care Packages, and that there always a surprise.
• That girls are becoming more and more the YA novel heroes.
• Amy Phoeler and Tina Fey's relationship, and that it reminds me of Izi and I.
• Making dances and lip sync battles with my cousin for talent shows.
• Creating Bailey and the Beatles, were I Bailey was the lead singer, and my cousin Blayne was the guitarist.
• Joining band in middle school and picking up the flute within a week.
• Living in Germany.
• Living in Turkey.
• Living in Okinawa.
• Any memory from YogurtLand.
• Halloweens on Okinawa.
• Being cast in any high school play.
• Being cast as Draco Malfoy in A Very Potter Musical.
• Jumping of the Seawall with friends after chickening out for an hour.
• Movie nights at home with Pizza.
• That I have my first job.
• Any Spring Break Trip with Isabella while being in Turkey.
• Sunabe Seawall walks with Cody.
• All the people I have ever had the pleasure of becoming friends with from living overseas.
• The military family that I have thanks to my parents.
• The international family that I have thanks to my parents.
• That I am loved, more than I can comprehend.